Dude, just take your pants off already!

As many of you have certainly discovered, DC's gyms are now being flooded with hordes of resolution-makers determined to get into shape. Good for them. Between now and the time 30-60 days from now when they go back to the burgers and fries, though, these people will cause some annoyances. Fine. As someone who routinely spends up to 45 minutes commuting to work at a building I can see from my own roof, I've developed enough patience to wait a couple extra minutes for a weight or a machine. What really annoys me about this year's resolution crowd, though, is the shyness in the locker room. Let me explain . . .

Now, I'm not one of those guys at the Results on U Street you see shaving naked and blow-drying my pubes after my strenuous shower-to-sauna cardio routine. No. Far, far from it. I have some decency. But I do know what a locker room is. It's a place where people usually take off one set of clothes, put them in a locker, take another set of clothes out of a bag, and put on another set of clothes. Sometimes showering and other grooming activities are involved. Some of these activities can involve being at least partially naked. But lately I've noticed a lot of people who are insanely not alright with this.

There was a guy at the gym last night who was coming out of the shower. He had a towel on. He ran to his locker like someone was chasing him. I actually looked back to see if that was the case. Really! Then this guy took a shirt he'd been keeping outside of his locker and quickly put it on. Then he opened up his locker and took out some underwear, which he awkwardly began putting on under his towel. Then he made sure his shirt was pulled down over his ass, took his towel off, and quickly pulled his pants on. Later, I even saw someone else doing the opposite! He actually came into the locker room from the gym and put a towel on so that he could take off his pants without anyone seeing him naked! This is insane!

Here's my message to the towel boys: Nobody is looking at you. Even if we were, who cares? You don't know us and we don't know you. Nobody's gonna attack or rape you. Nobody's gonna go tell your friends what you're packin'. We all have our clothes off too and nobody cares.